J.J. is Buying Himself a Headband Today

Greetings, Dorky Dad! (J.J. wants to know what else does Mamma make you do?) Even though you're not a chick, and J.J. Dufresne really LOVES chicks who read this blog, the Administrators of "I'm Just Drunk in Someone's Garage" welcome you nonetheless.

J.J. does have a motley assortment of male friends, guys in their young thirties who are a lot like him: shaggy, womanless, self-destructive but dear; they are the men of their time, this historical moment, they are part of the national trend of man-boys, guys who've extended their adolescence, who've honed the craft of irresponsibility and immaturity until it became a movement, an art, a religion and a calling.

For example, J.J. has a buddy named Brad. J.J. and Brad drink all the time, often with their other buddy Ken. Last weekend the boys got all boozed up, so Brad and Ken, who are ardent supporters of M.A.D.D., both crashed at Chez Dufresne. The next afternoon while they reorganized their remaining brain cells and cursed J.J. for no food in the refrigerator, J.J. sat at his computer doing random word searches on his favorite porn site. In the search field where a normal pervert would type "threeway" or "anal" or "donkey punch," J.J. was doing uncommon word searches to see what kind of porn would come up. He typed "republican" and "bouquet" (he had to go to dictionary dot com to double check how to spell "bouquet" and that's when he discovered a synonym for it is "nosegay." This amused him.)

But he didn't get any porn to come up with those words, and Brad had just mouthed off--something about you're a moron, J.J., do you hear me, you're an idiot -- so J.J. said he was going to do a porn search for the word "Brad."

What came up was "Brad blows J.J."

Ken said, "Friend, you know you have to click on it."

So J.J. clicked on it, and sure enough, two dudes were blowing each other. They were two other dudes named J.J. and Brad, J.J. was sure of it.

"Maybe it really is you two," said Ken. "Maybe this happened last night and you just don't remember. You were really drunk, man."

"It's not us," J.J. said. He was pretty certain it wasn't because these other guys were really good-looking and not fat. They obviously worked out a lot.

Brad refused to come over and look, but that didn't stop J.J. from first thinking and then saying, "I get to be the guy in the headband!" Because The Headband Guy was way more muscular.